We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
