Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
