Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
