I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize