Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
