3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
zippers are such a cool invention
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
