He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't deserve a penis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm like, not good at living.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
