My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
