Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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