Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
worst night to have a conscience
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
