Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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