idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
