She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize