White coat. Heels.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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