don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
