How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
