I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
