I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
