My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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