i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
