This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
