his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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