Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
3 2 1 whiskey
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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