we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
