okay pat passed out under dana's car
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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