i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
