Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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