You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
