I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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