I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
