ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
