What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
