mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
