There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
