Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
