Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
