I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize