nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
