The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
