We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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