i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
