u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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