omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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