Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
