I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
