Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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