There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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