well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize