8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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