I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
