I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
