I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
