I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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