Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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