I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My hand turned me down
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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