you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
