If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wear drunk well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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