Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
