Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
