do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
