I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
