You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
