it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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