I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Buhtt sex?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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