i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize