I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
