I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
