we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
