im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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