I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
