When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
