nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is it because I queefed?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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