I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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