Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
