The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
