I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We talked him into tasing himself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
