I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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